(a different) Mother’s Day

In the US, we are observing Mother’s Day today. While its origin was in a call for peace after the Civil War, today it is celebrated as a tribute to mothers of all types and ages.

Since the death of my mother in May, 2019, Mother’s Day has felt bittersweet to me, as it brings back that time when, within two May weeks, there was my mom’s last Mother’s Day, birthday, and the date of her death. It’s complicated further by having daughter E and granddaughters ABC and JG five time zones away.

This year has brought the additional worry of a family member’s upcoming surgery and the possibility of an underlying disorder yet to be diagnosed.

Then, there is the general upheaval in the US and so many other places in the world, war, hunger, the climate crisis, disasters, and I will end the list here, but we know it is much longer.

It’s a lot with which to contend and I’m not coping very well.

I mentioned in a Stream of Consciousness Saturday post in mid-April that I was hearing a sound in my left ear. This, along with some additional symptoms, has led to several primary care visits, a diagnosis of tinnitus, some attempts at treatment, and, on Friday, a decision to order an MRI to rule out various tumors or other abnormalities.

Of course, there is the possibility of not “ruling out” but discovering.

I admit that I’m struggling. I’m practiced with blocking things out or setting them aside to concentrate on caring for family members. Part of my problem right now is that the timing is unfortunate as I am the main driver and errand-runner and don’t want to be out of commission when I’m needed to help with surgical recovery and follow-on medical appointments. I know spouse B will drop everything at work to take care of things but I also know that his project is in a critical phase right now.

I need humility, trust, and the grace to step aside and let others take over the work I should or have been doing and put other things aside for a while, but it’s hard and I’m worried and tired.

Maybe they will examine my head and not find anything.

Wait. That doesn’t sound right.

Maybe they won’t find anything dangerous.

Maybe, I can get a grip when the MRI is actually scheduled and on my calendar. After all, this is not my first rodeo with medical mystery ailments. Some of them have even been mine. I’m just more annoyed with my own. I know I need to channel some of the compassion I have toward others and apply it to myself.

And maybe take a nap.

It’s been helpful to write this down. I am questioning whether or not it is wise to post it, but have decided to do so because authenticity is part of the charm? hallmark? conceit? of Top of JC’s Mind.

And, yes, it’s Mother’s Day and B is making lamb spiedies and grilled asparagus with his homemade tiramisu for dessert.

And there have been sweet cards and a present.

And the lilies of the valley are starting to bloom.

They were my mother’s birth flower and a favorite of hers.

The photo is from my mother’s 87th and last birthday, lilies of the valley from our yard and cards from my father and their artist-friend Jim.

Miss you today, Mom.

eclipse thoughts

(2017 Photo by Scott Szarapka on Unsplash)

One Monday, April 8th, there was a solar eclipse over a wide swath of North America. At my home in central New York, we were close to the path of totality with 97% of the sun obscured.

We dutifully bought eclipse glasses but the afternoon was very cloudy. During the time of maximum coverage of the sun, we did notice that it became darker, darker than you expect from cloud cover, even from a thunderstorm. A few minutes after it lightened again, it began to rain.

Meanwhile, many people were expressing their awe and wonder at viewing the eclipse. Some had travelled many miles, even internationally, to see it. All were subject to the vagaries of weather, but most were lucky to have good conditions for viewing. Even people who weren’t able to see the eclipse expressed gratitude at being part of an excited crowd putting aside divisions to look up together.

As I’ve been reflecting on the eclipse experience, I find myself wondering if I would have felt the same mystical sense of awe that others have been describing. Perhaps it is my practical New England upbringing or my study of science or my overall sense of respect for creation but I have trouble separating the eclipse from other natural phenomena. Should I feel more wonder at an eclipse than I do for a broken, blue shell that recently sheltered a baby robin or a riot of forsythia blossoms or the ancient rocks worn smooth by the brook or the full moon?

While I do appreciate the effect that the eclipse had to bring people together, I had no desire to be part of a crowd. Granted, I am the type of introvert who is always uncomfortable in a crowd, however noble or friendly its purpose.

Did you experience this eclipse or one in a different time and place? Please share your thoughts in the comments section.

Vote for Democracy #5

(Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash)

One of the most disturbing aspects of Donald Trump and many Republicans is their embrace of violence, both as a threat and as a weapon.

Trump has used violent language throughout his political career, encouraging people to beat up protesters at his rallies, ordering or condoning violence against peaceful protesters, and, most notoriously, encouraging and cheering the violent insurrection at the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021.

He has also been credibly accused of sexual violence and abuse by many women and was found liable in the E. Jean Carroll case.

Most often, though, Trump doesn’t physically participate himself, but other people follow his directions, such as when he told the Proud Boys in a presidential debate to “stand back and stand by” and then they showed up in force on Jan. 6. A number of them were criminally charged and convicted, but Trump now calls them “hostages” or “political prisoners” and seems poised to pardon them if he is elected.

Trump is promising to send in federal troops to US cities without being asked for assistance by the mayors or governors who have jurisdiction. He would apparently do this by invoking the Insurrection Act, perhaps even at the start of his term and on a national basis rather than targeted against a specific, violent event. A blanket application of the Insurrection Act would end the rights to free speech, freedom of assembly, and infringe the right to petition the government, all of which are included in the First Amendment of the US Constitution.

Trump is also threatening arrest of his perceived enemies, including Joe Biden and all the House members who were part of the January 6th study committee. There is no evidence of criminality against any of them, but Trump has called multiple times for vengeance because of the charges against him, for which there is ample evidence. (Links to the indictments and congressional and judicial reports are readily available online.)

Followers of Donald Trump have committed acts of violence, which he then turns into jokes rather than condemning. After Paul Pelosi, spouse of then-Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, was brutally attacked by an assailant in his home, Trump joked about it for months afterward, which is cruel and encourages others to commit even more violence on Trump’s behalf.

All of this is heightening the threat of political violence, particularly among Republicans. In a recent poll, 28% of Republicans agreed that “Americans have to resort to violence to get the country back on track.” (Independents were 18%; Democrats, 12%.) With Republican households having higher levels of gun ownership than other households, it is likely that a higher proportion of people holding this viewpoint have access to firearms. It has also been Republicans in Congress and judges appointed by Republicans who have blocked common sense gun safety measures. The cycle of violence perpetuates.

Last night, it was my privilege to hear John Dear speak on nonviolence. He was speaking about his new book, The Gospel of Peace: A Commentary on Matthew, Mark, and Luke from the Perspective of Nonviolence. He spoke movingly about Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Ghandi and their commitment to living the nonviolent life that Jesus did. He told us that Ghandi, a Hindu, read from the Sermon on the Mount, found in the gospel of Matthew, chapters five through seven, every day for decades. Even faced with the prospect of a violent death, King and Ghandi continued their commitment to nonviolence as Jesus did.

Father Dear reminded us that anger and fear are the underpinnings of violence. I have long known that fear-mongering is part of the lead-up to violent rhetoric from Trump and other Republicans, even when the underlying statements are untrue. For example, there is a lot of fear-mongering over crime. People think that crime rates are rising and are so afraid that they are willing to elect a strongman who promises to crack down violently on perceived enemies, which these days for Republicans seems to include immigrants, most people of color, Democrats, and people who identify as anything other than straight male/female.

When someone expresses a belief to me that is counterfactual, I’ll try to offer the facts if I can but I also try to address the fear that is underlying the issue and making them ready to justify violence to address it. If someone insults me or my intelligence, I don’t respond in kind but will explain my thoughts in a clear, honest way.

Back in the days of the fight against hydrofracking in New York, I often wrote comments on press articles and would be attacked by a small group of local drilling proponents who tended to hurl insults. I admit that it would scare me but I would always respond respectfully with facts to back up my opinion. Eventually, most of the press outlets stopped allowing comments. On my blog, I welcome respectful comments and engage with those who disagree with me, while reserving my right to remove comments that are disrespectful, violent, or likely to promote misinformation. Fortunately, this happens very rarely.

As we continue to prepare for the elections, listen to what the candidates are saying and reject those who espouses violence and stoke unwarranted fear. Check for the facts behind campaign rhetoric to make sure you can separate truth from lies and manipulation.

Vote for democracy, which means equal protection for all. NO! to Trump and all those who promote personal and political violence.

Vote for Democracy #4

(Photo by Lucas Sankey on Unsplash)

The United States is not a “Christian nation.”

In the Bill of Rights, the First Amendment makes clear that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.” It is the first freedom listed in the ten amendments of the Bill of Rights, which was considered so vital that the states required it to be added before they would adopt the Constitution.

While some of the colonies had originally had an established religion, others, such as Rhode Island, had been founded explicitly without a government-sanctioned religion. At the time of the founding, the majority of United States residents were Christian, which is still true today, but the country was explicitly founded to be non-sectarian.

That’s why it’s so disturbing to me to see so many Republicans pushing the concept that the United States either is or should be a “Christian nation,” ignoring both the First Amendment and our history.

A particularly disturbing example of this is that this week, observed by the majority of Christian denominations as Holy Week leading to the celebration of Easter on Sunday, Donald Trump is selling the God Bless the USA bible, which includes the King James version of the Bible along with the US Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and Pledge of Allegiance. Trump’s message is “Let’s Make America Pray Again.” He thinks every home should have a (this/his) Bible.

This flies in the face of the First Amendment, which is, one assumes, included in this volume.

As a United States citizen and a Roman Catholic Christian, I am appalled that Trump is raising money in this blatant attempt to appeal to “Christian nationalists,” who want the United States to become a Christian nation, most of whom intend it to be a white Christian nation.

No.

The United States is a pluralistic nation and that is one of its strengths. It has certainly been an imperfect union with egregious examples of discrimination, bigotry, and injustice over the centuries, but we are working to move in a direction closer to equality for all people. Favoring one religion over another in our government must not be allowed.

Our government is a secular one and must remain so, as the Founders and generations of Americans intended.

When we vote, we should keep this principle in mind and reject any candidate who thinks the US is or should be a “Christian nation.”

19 years ago

(Hearts graphic by Angie Traverse)

Nineteen years ago today, my friend Angie died from lung cancer. She was only 54. She had never smoked or lived in a house with high radon or worked in a place with known carcinogens but, by whatever combination of genetics and living, cancer appeared and was diagnosed when she was fifty.

She was treated by some great doctors locally and in Boston and she fought hard for four years and some months, but passed away on Good Friday, 2005.

There have been a lot of developments in cancer treatment since then, some of which are advertised on television. I often wonder if any of those medications would have helped Angie live longer and better.

For years, I made contributions on March 25 and on Angie’s October birthday to the charitable fund established in her memory but, a few years back, the online page went away. Now, I just remember and write an occasional post. One of my favorite Angie posts is this one, written when I turned 54.

That year, I also wrote a poem about Angie, which was published by Wilderness House Literary Review:

Fifty-four

We were the October Babes,
You from 1950,
Me from 1960.

On your fifty-fourth birthday,
You managed coffee ice cream with hot fudge
Despite the metastases in your neck.

On my fifty-fourth birthday,
I raise a solo toast with your favorite Coke-with-a-lemon-wedge
To the October Babes being fifty-four together.
*****

This October, God willing, I will turn 64.

I wish Angie were still here, as an about-to-be 74-year-old grandma, mom, artist, and dear friend. The world could use her compassion, creativity, and spirit right now.

Ronald Perera memorial concert

Earlier this month, I was privileged to attend a memorial concert for Ron Perera, composer and professor emeritus of music at Smith College. The concert took place in Sweeney Concert Hall in Sage Hall, the long-time center of musical life on campus. I had taken five semesters of theory and composition with Mr. Perera and he had been my major advisor. We had been in touch variously over the decades and we had enjoyed a wonderful lunch together last spring when I was back on campus to sing with the Smith College Alumnae Chorus.

All the pieces at the concert were Ron Perera’s compositions, some of which were performed by the musicians for whom they were written. I especially appreciated seeing pianist Professor Emerita Monica Jakuc Leverett perform Out of Shadow almost 36 years after its premiere. Another piano piece that I loved was Three Waltzes for Four Hands, written for Ron’s three daughters, and performed by Professor Emeritus Kenneth Fearn and his daughter, Kaeza. I’m looking forward to ordering a copy for daughter E and son-in-law L to play for our granddaughters ABC and JG.

As a writer and choral singer, I was especially drawn to the choral pieces that opened and closed the concert. The opening was “Hold Out Your Hands Over the Earth” from The Outermost House, text by Henry Beston. The work was commissioned by the Chatham Chorale, on Cape Cod. The Perera family lived on the Cape during the summers and Ron loved to sail there. Some of the text in this movement is:

To all who love her, who open to her the doors of their veins, she gives strength, sustaining them with her own measureless tremor of dark life. Touch the earth, love the earth, honor the earth, her plains, her valleys, her hills, and her seas; rest your spirit in her solitary places.

It was a perfect reflection to begin.

Besides the music, there were four remembrances in the program. The first was from one of Ron’s daughters, Rosalind, which also served as a welcome. Two were from pastors of St. John’s Episcopal Church, located in the midst of Smith’s campus, where Ron was a long-time member and volunteer. The other was from Professor Emeritus Donald Wheelock, who was Ron’s composer-colleague for many years and who helped to organize the concert. It was beautiful to hear them speak about his kind, caring nature and the depth and breadth of his thoughts, talents, interests, and beliefs. Even as a college student, I could sense what a wonderful man he was and it was inspiring to hear how he sustained those qualities throughout his life and shared them with so many, most especially his family.

The concert closed with the Smith College Chamber Singers offering Ron’s setting of Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Music, When Soft Voices Die” conducted by Jonathan Hirsh, who is a current faculty member, friend of Ron, and another concert organizer. He had graciously kept me apprised of the plans as the memorial came together so that I could arrange to attend. It was such a perfect, quiet, love-filled ending to the memorial. “And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,/ Love itself shall slumber on.”

At the reception after the concert, I was able to speak briefly with Don Wheelock and Jonathan Hirsh and at greater length with the third organizer, Professor Emerita Karen Smith Emerson. I am grateful for their work in putting the program together to celebrate a remarkable, generous, talented man who leaves a legacy of music and writings but, more importantly, of human connection and spiritual strength.

I’m also grateful to CK, Smith ’81, and her spouse who opened their lovely home near campus to B and me for the weekend. I appreciated their hospitality and their companionship at the concert and reception. I’m hoping CK will be able to sing with us the next time I’m back on campus for an event with the Smith College Alumnae Chorus.

It will be bittersweet, though, knowing that Ron will not be there to hear us. Maybe, we will perform a piece of his music in remembrance…

recording of the concert

One-Liner Wednesday: a compassionate heart

To be compassionate is to have a heart that suffers from the misfortune of others because we think of it as our own.

Thomas Aquinas

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesdays and/or the last day of Just Jot It January ’24! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/31/one-liner-wednesday-jusjojan24-the-31st-goals/ 

One-Liner Wednesday: doing right

The time is always right to do what’s right.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Join us for Linda’s One-Liner Wednesday and/or Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/17/one-liner-wednesday-jusjojan24-the-17th-grateful/ 

Writing

I’m a bit of – okay, more than a bit – an outlier in Linda’s Just Jot It January event in that I seldom use the provided prompts other than for One-Liner Wednesdays and Stream of Consciousness Saturdays. My blog is called Top of JC’s Mind because I write about whatever is at the top of my mind, which could be family, poetry, health, politics, spirituality, environmental issues, movies, or anything else. Today, though, I provided the #JusJoJan24 prompt, writing, hoping it would be an easy one for all of us, including me (especially me?), to use.

When I was in grammar school, we did a lot of both creative and academic/utilitarian writing in our two-room school which went up through grade 8. Besides learning to write theme papers and business and friendly letters and such, we also wrote stories and poems. I remember writing outside of school for fun, too. My sisters and I would often make our own greeting cards with poems we wrote ourselves.

At the high school I attended about twenty miles from home, there was still a lot of writing but very little of it was creative. Busy with academic writing, I stopped writing poetry and fiction. This trend continued when I was a student at Smith College – lots of writing, but none of it in fiction or poetry. I’ve wondered if the Boutelle-Day Poetry Center had existed back in my student days whether I would have written and studied poetry as an undergrad. As it happened, I made the happy discovery that I could write music; composition became an important part of my major. As a singer, organist, and composer, words were often entwined with my musical experiences, which kept me in conversation with poetry and literary writing, even when I wasn’t practicing it myself.

There has been a lot of writing in my life after Smith. There has always been correspondence, first on paper and later mostly electronic. Many of my volunteer activities had major writing components. In my years on the liturgy committee at my church, I wrote prayers and what we jokingly termed “homilettes” on seasonal themes. I worked on documents on curriculum development as a volunteer on curriculum and honors diploma committees when my daughters were in school. I researched and wrote commentary on the dangers of fracking for years as part of the rapid response team in New York State. Every once in a while, I would be inspired to write a poem, but nearly all my writing was utilitarian prose.

That changed when I turned fifty. My friend Yvonne was leading a year-long book study of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés’s Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. A circle of women met monthly to discuss a section of the book and then create art in response. I spontaneously started to write poems to accompany my art pieces, a practice known as ekphrasis, though I didn’t know the word at the time. I had lost the church that had sometimes performed my music and I think that creative energy found a home in writing poetry.

After a poem I had written was chosen as part of a National Poetry Month initiative at our local public broadcasting radio station, I learned about the Binghamton Poetry Project and started attending their community poetry workshops, which are led by graduate students at Binghamton University. I quickly became serious about poetry and wanted to submit work for publication. One of the BPP directors found a local circle of poets meeting regularly to workshop poems that I could join. We are now known as the Grapevine Poets and I will be forever grateful to them for all their help and support with my poems and manuscripts. Last year was a milestone for me when Kelsay Books published my first chapbook of poetry, Hearts.

Running roughly concurrently with the resurgence of poetry in my life has been my blogging life. When I was writing so much fracking and political commentary, friends suggested I give blogging a try. I wasn’t sure if I could make it work but Top of JC’s Mind turned ten last September. I just passed 1,900 posts total, so there’s a lot there if anyone cares to rummage around! As part of my tenth anniversary celebration, I also finally got my own domain name, so you can also visit the blog through my author site at joannecorey.com.

Words are powerful and nearly all of us are writers, whether we are doing it for personal use or public audience. I hope that, whatever writing you do, it brings you some sense of peace, joy, clarity, outreach, and stability.

Write on!

Snow!

We are having our first major snowstorm of the season here in the Southern Tier of NY.

The system, which is coming up the Atlantic coast, arrived a bit earlier than had originally been expected. I had thought I’d be able to attend vigil mass at 4 PM as I usually do on Saturdays but the roads were too bad for travel. It’s still snowing this morning and some freezing rain is predicted, so it looks like this will be an at-home religious observance weekend, as all of them were during the pandemic.

Good thing I didn’t take the programming for recording mass out of my DVR.

Best wishes to those celebrating Epiphany this weekend and to those celebrating Christmas under the Julian calendar.
*****
Join us for Linda’s Just Jot It January! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2024/01/07/daily-prompt-jusjojan-the-7th-2024/