SoCS: blue

Since I was a child, my favorite color has been blue.

The color of my eyes and my mom’s and dad’s and sisters’.

The color of the sky at midday.

The color of some of my favorite clothes, although not jeans, which I never learned to like wearing.

I still like blue. I’m wearing it today.

But today, thinking of blue makes me think of how I’m feeling.

Blue.

Most of my #SoCS posts in recent weeks have been giving updates about my father, who is struggling to recover from falls, broken bones, infections, and we aren’t totally sure what else, while dealing with dementia and the wear and tear of ninety-six years.

I am doing everything I can to keep him as comfortable and content as possible and he is doing much better than he was ten days ago. We finally have the rest of his things in his skilled nursing/rehab room.

His Irish-themed banner and plaque are on his door, which makes it easier for him to find his room in the hall of similar-looking doorways. We finally got a temporary phone number working, although he needs help to answer calls and we aren’t sure if he can re-learn how to dial.

Baby steps.

It’s just hard for me not to feel blue. As much as I understand that this is just the journey we have been given in this last period of his life and that we are doing everything we can for him, I can’t help but feel sad.

All the time.

It’s hardest when I am with him, although I have a really good game face and manage to be cheerful – or seem cheerful – when I am interacting with Paco. He is sleeping quite a bit, which is probably good. Most of the time, he isn’t really aware of how much he has forgotten, so he is not blue, which is a blessing.

I am blue for both of us.
*****
Linda’s prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday this week is to use “color/colour” as a noun or verb or choose a color to write about. Join us! Find out more here: https://lindaghill.com/2021/07/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-24-2021/

Author: Joanne Corey

Please come visit my eclectic blog, Top of JC's Mind. You can never be sure what you'll find!

15 thoughts on “SoCS: blue”

    1. Thanks, Abigail. I’m finding that when there have been a lot of changes in a short time, I have a lot of trouble adjusting and feel blue. When we hit a plateau, I can get on a more even keel, until the next crisis or period of decline sets in.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Joanne – Blue seems to be the color the day here, too, for very similar reasons. My 93-year-old father has been in and out of the hospital/rehab for the past three months. At one point, he was on the verge of kidney failure and then was on a feeding tube. Thankfully, he has recovered, to a point. He is eating on his own, walking with a walker, and is back in his assisted living apartment. The problem is his dementia, with which we have never had to deal before. We’ve had the same issues with communication (he is quite deaf). The hardest part for me are the times when he becomes belligerent and claims no one cares about him anymore. I fear I’m not handling this all as well as you are, Joanne; I don’t have a good game face. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your father. Please take care of yourself, lean on B and think about the joy your family brings.

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    1. Oh, Tammy! I’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s health problems. Having the dementia symptoms come on suddenly like that is so disconcerting. Do they understand the cause? I’m just asking as lots of non-brain disorders have dementia as a symptom. With my dad, we know that he has vascular problems and brain shrinkage, but things like low blood pressure, dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, etc. will make symptoms worse.

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m sure that you are handling things as well as you can yourself and hope that you have people to lean on during these difficult days. Sending love and prayers.

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    1. Thanks, JoAnna. My sister is coming up tomorrow for most of the week and my other sister is coming on the weekend, so it will be a bit of a break from time at the nursing home. I have a lot of the bureaucratic paperwork to catch up with. I’m going to try to see if I can get a massage, too.

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